HELP — This Is NOT The Man I Married!!!!

Have you ever felt like this?  You look at this person that you thought you knew everything about and they have just thrown you a curve ball.  SMACK!!!  Sometimes these surprises are good ones (even really great ones) and sometimes they’re not.  I think we can all look at our spouses and realize that because of maturity and life experiences, they aren’t a person that you married.  Sometimes that’s a good thing!

These changes can come for a variety of reasons.  My favorite is that transformation that God takes each and every person through.  Now that’s change!!  It could be a life changing event that causes you to rethink your priorities or change your goals.  They can also come about when you are entering a new “chapter” in your life.  This is where I’m coming from right now.

See, we’re empty nesters … and we’re adjusting to that.  Because we both had kids when we got married, we didn’t get the “honeymoon” stage of marriage.  You remember that, don’t you?  It was just the two of you and you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.  I know many couples who easily go back to that time but we don’t have that time to fall back on.  It’s been causing some interesting realizations about each other.

At some point, I may let my darling husband tell you what he’s learned about me but now it’s my turn.  This is a list of a couple of things that have just kinda surprised me about my beloved.

  1. He asked for a collection of romance movies for Christmas.  Really?  It was a collection of 20 movies by a specific company that dated back to the 1940’s.  We’ve enjoyed them but just never thought he’d ask for them.
  2. He’s indicated that he would like to go to a jazz bar and listen to live music.  Now this is the guy who didn’t want the kids music to be loud enough for him to hear it when they were in their rooms.  He endures concerts because I like them.  So where did the desire for jazz music come from.
  3. He can come home from work before 6:00 PM.  Sometimes he’s even called me at 3:30 in the afternoon to say he’s on his way home (he starts 6:30-7 so he’s not cutting his day short).  Then he comes home and just relaxes!  I didn’t think he knew how to really relax.
  4. He’s talking about opening a business.  The conversation about retirement has come up lately and he just doesn’t see himself retire.  What he does see is that he would like to do something different…perhaps something we can do together.  WOW!

So here’s my advice when your husband throws out an idea that feels like a total curve ball:

Try it, you might like it! –  I have never thought of myself as a “jazz” person but I’m certainly willing to try it.  If it means that I can get dressed in something other than jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt and go in public, then I’m all for it!  Besides, doesn’t a little corner table, just you and your sweetie, a drink or two and listening to live music sound divine?

Adjust your routines – Coming home from work a little early shouldn’t frustrate me.  He wants to spend time with me!  Adjusting my normal schedule and routines can be easily done (most of the time), in order to get “reacquainted” with the love of my life.

Be willing to take chances – Within reason, take a chance!  Opening a business won’t ruin us.  My husband would never allow that to happen!  He always has a plan … a thorough and detailed plan … so implementing it should be considered teamwork and bonding.

Make a memory – As you’re trying all of these new things and taking in all the new things about your husband, you’re also making memories.  Some of these things you may decide you don’t enjoy, but you’ve still made a memory.  You may find the perfect activity for the two of you to do together so that you can make tons more memories.  Go for it!

Think outside your own box – What have you always wanted to try?  Where have you thought you might like to go?  Everything from international travel to taking a local cooking class to being a tourist in your own town.  Use your imagination!  Now is the time to perhaps bring up the subject.  He might surprise you and try them with you.  Remember he’s still getting to know you too!

So you’re right — he’s not the man you married.  He’s better!  And so are you.  Be refreshed by what you continue to learn about each other.  Be excited, happy, glad, and even silly as you discover things.  Don’t be scared to take a chance and try something that you’ve never tried before.




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